You Said You'd Never Fall In Love
by TheBarberAndHisBaker
Summary: Set around the time of the second Quarter Quell (50th Hunger Games). Haymitch is an 18-year old tribute from District 12 and Effie has her first year as an escort. Journal entries are marked with -E/- H. Hayffie
1. Prologue

District 12 is hell on earth. Though I've never been outside of it, I can judge. Probably that's the point; I never was allowed to leave. It's a cage. A bird cage with many birds locked inside. I never tried to escape. Something made me stay. I had nothing to lose. I had no caring family. I had no real friends. I haven't had a house. I haven't had a life here. I assume it was the Peacekeepers. They're terrorizing the district, frightening people. I didn't fear them. But there was a certain respect. Not for their job or their actions. Not a least bit for the people they worked for. Rather for their look. They weren't incredibly tall, or muscular. But something about their appearance gave me chills. I never wanted to cause trouble. I was never involved in a fight. I've always been a quiet guy. I've always done my work peacefully. Alone. Maybe that was the reason I only had broken relationships or no social contacts at all. I just couldn't show my feelings properly. I had problems with communication, socializing and staying in touch with people. They didn't seem to care much either. But it seems like that was the price to pay for my indifference. I didn't long for a community I'd belong to. Though, there had been some lonely weeks. I knew how to entertain myself; I'd stand up early, watch the sunrise and go off to the edge of the district. There I sat down in the grass and wrote. There were no fairytales with princesses, witches or dragons. I reflected my day in a story. It became sort of a routine. Sometimes I read old papers. I always laughed about my grammar, my mistakes, my unfinished sentences and threw them away at last. Who would need these unimportant documents? They were useless. Even to me. I didn't want to be remembered on my bad days. Not even on the good ones. They were rare but they are saved in my head anyway. My teacher told me to keep up with the writing. He said, he liked my style. I don't believe him. There's nothing special about my style or papers. I'm Haymitch Abernathy, a simple 18-year-old boy. With a normally miserable life in 12. - H

* * *

_Being born in the Capitol was a dream not everyone was meant to grasp.  
__Living in the Capitol initiated living __**the **__life.  
__The life every single person from the surrounding districts was craving for.  
__So yes, I feel special to be part of this extraordinary community.  
__The melting point of luxury and wealth.  
__The centre of our society.  
__Paradise.  
__My parents had provided me with all the things I needed: a proper education, a future and most importantly money and all the beautiful and tremendous things this source offered me.  
__I spend my money – spend it a lot. I love to invest into the newest fashion trends. Right now, my favorite colors are pinkish and greenish creations. They are __**to die for **__this season.  
__People from the districts don't understand it. Their simple lives seem to narrow their lives so much that they can't appreciate chairs made out of pure gold, sparkling chandeliers or beds with sheets made out of the softest satin. They seem to be completely oblivious to it.  
__All the tributes coming here do never value all our goods as much as the Capitol people do. So, this year will be my first time as an escort. I'm shaking from excitement.  
The only disappointment is that I had to get District 12. The poorest of all of them!  
They were miners, so probably all small-minded and dirty all the time.  
I hate dirt! I hope I won't ruin my dresses when I get there and I hope the people there at least have some manners. Gladly the Peacekeepers will be there to hold a constant harmony and feeling of right and correctness. They are doing such an incredible job with that.  
I suppose they send me there because I am still so young. With only 18 years I'm one of the youngest escorts to ever carry out this profession.  
I'm very proud of that!  
My dream is to work hard and slowly but determined make my way up to escort the careers from the first districts one day. They always win the Games and then I'll be the one joining them on their victory tour through all the districts. My life will be full of glamour, appreciation and wealth!  
I just enjoy this positive vibe the Capitol is sending to the districts and that feeling of contentment that settled in me. My pride of my origin rises with every new Game and every victor making it through. I just love this spectacle!  
I'm Effie Trinket and I'm looking forward to teach the people from 12 some Capitol spirit! - E_


	2. The Reaping

_I had arrived in District 12 early in the morning. The sun had started to rise and sent its rays over the dead fields of the place I landed on.  
__A loud gasp had escaped my mouth when I stepped out of the train.  
This here was in no way comparable to my beloved Capitol. Here it was dark, grayish and simply dead. The soil looked in no way capable of growing crops on it and in the streets no people were to be found.  
One of the Peacekeepers had told me that it always looked like that during the days because the men were off to work in the mines and the women had to stay home to care for their children. The only place to be defined at least a little crowded was the market place that was situated in a tiny hall. Every now and then a person would disappear in it with fruits or meat and would appear again with a hand full of wool or something indescribable.  
Were they trading? Didn't they have money to buy themselves things?  
I didn't go in there, though. When I wanted to give it a go, a nauseating smell made its way towards me, so I turned right on spot and went another way.  
At noon, the reaping time had finally begun. Now my big moment had arrived!  
The scenery was rather less friendly than I had hoped, so I was happy that I had chosen a light-pink colored costume that not only separated me from the passive - almost annoyed crowd - standing in front of the stage but it also sent a vibe of optimism and positive energy towards them.  
My speech - that I had worked on for weeks and that I was very proud of – had met no appropriate appreciation from the audience but professional as I am, I continued my good work. I showed them the video sent in from the Capitol. It was really moving and left me wiping some tears off my cheeks twice. Another great example of the success the Games had brought to our country the past fifty years.  
__We even had a Quarter Quell this year, so I was especially excited for the whole spectacle and mostly to be a part of it! It included that special arrangements had been made and the gamemaker had decided that this time, twice the numbers of tributes would be sent into the arena. How exciting!  
So, I had eagerly made my way to the bowl to my left side – starting with the ladies, of course.  
One of them was a girl called Maysilee Donner. I just remembered her because her hair had shone through the whole place as she had made her way onto the stage. A blond so clear and light that you could have mistaken it for gold if you hadn't known better. The people in the Capitol would love her and I bet her stylist would do wonders with this beautiful hair!  
Both of the girls stood next to me and it was my turn to pick the men then.  
The first one was a tall, chubby boy who had already counted on being chosen – whispering something of hunting deer in the surrounding forests as a cause of his name being in there more than once. What a fool! They even triggered being more often in the bowl to be picked!  
The ceremony was almost at its end when I picked the last name. I went back to my microphone and opened the little note.  
"Haymitch Abernathy" I called out and threw a glace into the crowd – looking out for my last tribute for the Quarter Quell. My last tribute to escort back home. - E_

* * *

I didn't react on my own name. I noticed everyone turning around to me but couldn't move. I stared to the front. Numb to all my senses, my feelings. I was pushed forward lightly and my feet instinctively moved. They went on for a few steps but only lazily recovered from my short-time blackout. Why me? I haven't caused trouble throughout the years. I haven't signed up for more grain and oil. My name was rarely inside of this bowl. There was a minimum chance of pulling out this paper. But she managed it. For the split of a second I thought of that girl as a wonder. She was a true wonder with magical abilities. But I forgot about it fast again as I realized what impact this little paper had. It was about to change my life. Probably even forever. I staggered upstage, moving towards the strangely dressed Capitol girl. She looked at me with an even stranger look. As our eyes met, she turned her head fast and I took my place. I was standing straight in front of the crowd. The people of district 12 were watching me. I could feel their looks on my body. Though I tried to ignore them, I couldn't ignore the problems lying ahead of me. I'd finally escape the cage. But I'd only be trapped in another. And this one wasn't as shiny and golden as it looked to the outside. The Capitol is an even worse place. They have more food, more comfort, more everything. That's why they've gone crazy. They don't value their living standard anymore. They don't think about the poorer people in the districts. They don't care about anything but themselves, their own lives. One might say I did the same during the past years. But I don't want to be compared to those Capitol people. I do care about the poor because they're starving right in front of my house. I do value my living standard as there's not much to hold on to. I am not crazy. Not Capitol crazy. All these people living there are equal to me. I've never been there but I've seen some impressions of it at the last reapings. They are absurd figures of luxury. None of them looks like the other, though. They are individual somehow. Only differ in the color of their clothes. They indeed are a lot of different than the people in 12. Still, they are just humans, right? Probably that's the reason why I forgot about the magical side of the reaping girl so fast again. These Capitol people are in no way better than the rest of us. They only believe that. They only want us to believe that. No doubt, they play their roles convincing. Though, I wouldn't want to change my life to theirs. Now I am only a marionette for their entertainment anyway. I will be competing at the Hunger Games. For some it's an honor. For me it is a complete shock. I was never really attached to home. But leaving something familiar for something unknown was frightening me. I didn't want to cry at that moment. It'd seem weak and I didn't feel like it anyway. I felt anger arising inside of me. Anger against the Capitol girl, the capitol itself and the whole world. I wanted to break out of the cage that is my district. But never like this. I've always been lonely but at this moment, I felt more alone than I've ever been in my life. I was desperate and helpless on this big stage with no one to hold on to. For once, I noticed how stupid I was for never holding on to any contacts. It'd have been nice to know someone would miss me when I'm gone. - H


	3. On The Train

_After the reaping, my tributes got some time to say good-bye to their families. I left them some personal space and stayed with the Peacekeepers in the hall.  
I tried to make some conversation with them because I got seriously bored in this annoyingly grayish building but they were definitely not as chatty as I had hoped. Most of them would just turn away. Rude!  
We've been on the train for some time now. It turned out the tributes are neither talkative.  
I can't wait until we're back in the Capitol and I finally have people around me that are able to lead a proper and intelligent conversation!  
I blame their quietness on their excitement on what will wait for them in the Capitol.  
They will love it!  
I told them about everything that's waiting for them the next days:  
The training where they would have to improve their skills and gain points with their major ability.  
The interviews they'd have to attend to gain people's attention and to win themselves some sponsors that may help them by sending parachutes during the Games.  
And of course, all the great clothes, all the great food and all the nicely and hugely decorated rooms that were already eagerly awaiting them!  
So exciting!  
But one thing that is especially worrying me is the last tribute I called on stage…was it…Haym….Haymitch? I can't remember.  
What I recall is how our eyes had met – just for a split second – when I waved him on stage. There was this look in his eyes. I still don't know what to make out of this look.  
He's the quietest in the group; staying in his room most of the time and only shows up for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Almost never eating and murmuring things like people in District 12 wouldn't have as much food and would starve to death.  
Well, even more reason to enjoy the food the Capitol had granted for them now!  
Sometimes these tributes are just miracles to me. They are crying over everything they don't have at home but when they get the chance to get a whole bunch of everything they are neither satisfied with it.  
If I was in their place… well, let's better not think about that. I don't want to waste any thought on my life not being connected to the Capitol. Why waste my time thinking about matters that are definitely not meant for me and that I don't have to worry about? It's simply pointless. I should live my life to the fullest and be thankful for everything the Capitol is providing me.  
But what also nags on me are the upcoming interviews the four of them have to go through.  
With their lacking talkativeness and their missing manners, I fear it's going to be a grand disaster. And this would also reflect me! I'm their escort, so everything that's connected with them will also be associated with me!  
But, let's not give up right now and hope the best for them! Especially hope they won't turn my first year into a complete failure. I still have so many things to achieve and I definitely won't have some rebellious tributes from District 12 crush them.  
I should probably teach them some proper attitude before we arrive in the Capitol. It won't hurt anyone and it can only be their advantage if I show them how things are working where I come from. I'm staying positive as always! - E _

* * *

The train was luxurious. I've never spend any thought on me discovering it one day. Though, it only made sense. The Capitol was luxury in all ways. The people, their clothing, their furniture. Everything there was perfect. Or at least it looked like that. I can't imagine the "perfect life" being a likeable or, moreover, an easy one. I don't pity them since they always had enough food on the table. We, the district people, had to starve almost every day. But still these rich people aren't as connected to each other like we were. People would help out one another when it came to emergencies. Once, as my father got sick, my older brother had traded my mother's stew against some medicine. We haven't had dinner that day and my father had still been sick for several days. It wasn't much of a success but it's the principle that someone's there for another. I was 9 at that time, too young to do business. My brother was 16 and working in the mines. He died there the same year. My father never completely recovered and is mainly lying in bed. I went to school until the age of 14. Then I also had to work in the dark tunnels. My mother tried to gather money by selling her body. It worked for some months but didn't pay off. Due to that I didn't want to be too close to her. Probably it's one of the reasons no one wanted to get in touch with me. No one would pay respect to a pathetic woman. And though I do see her desperation, there would have been other ways. But that's history. Now I'm on this train. It'll lead straight to my future. It'll either be life-long fame or death. I hate being in the spotlight of anything. I'd rather go in for the last option. Still, that's not my decision. Nothing will be my decision from now on. This Capitol girl told us our schedule. She's the perfect stereotype. All people in the wealthiest, best developed part of Panem are crazy like her. I forgot her name already again. I didn't even throw a glance at her until our meeting. She was pale. But probably that was due to the tons of make-up. She was thin. Her dress only highlighted that. There was only one time our eyes have met. I hate staring at other people, so I turned my look down fast again. It makes me feel uncomfortable to be watched, too. Ironic if I think about how many people would see me on their screens, watching every step. I didn't worry about my death in the arena. I rather worried about the pressure people would put on me. They expect me to be the best. Tributes of my district do not win the games. Why would I be an exception? Does somebody actually expect me to be the best? I don't think so. I'm making too much out of it. It was only a battle for entertainment. They didn't care about strategies. They only wanted bloody fights. I wouldn't be useful in that. I would never be capable of killing someone. So, I'd only let myself being killed right in the beginning. But honestly, who would even care? - H


	4. The Arrival

_A/N: Okay, I apologize a million times. I really messed it up last time and just noticed now. That's why you should always check again before you upload. Well, here you go again with the correct order and the correct title. Sorry. _

* * *

_It's awfully boring on the train. I didn't have one decent conversation since we got on it. __Everyone's so bloody quiet and melancholic. It's driving me insane!  
__In the morning; they're quiet. At lunch; they're quiet. If I try to talk to them, to encourage and prepare them; they're quiet. And it always ends with me going to bed not having talked to anyone once again.  
__They don't even appreciate all the things they get here. They must take it all for granted. I haven't heard one proper thank you yet – not even a surprised gasp from looking at the finely artwork found inside the train.  
__That blonde-haired tribute even threw a knife into the mahogany table! Mahogany! __How dare he? __These district people really have no manners. I wonder if they treat their belongings back home like this as well. But I doubt it. __They hardly have something so they probably look out for everything they have.  
__I slowly run out of make-up and dresses, so I hope that we will arrive soon. __For the tributes' and especially for my sake; this train ride is taking way too long for me and my nerves.  
__I miss my Capitol people at home. I finally need someone to talk to again and to exchange the latest gossip. I bet I missed __**so**__ much when I was gone. But I bet the girl working behind the counter in the hotel where the tributes and I will stay, knows everything. __She always does. If you need a reliable source for everything going on in the Capitol, you only need to find her and you know you're properly informed. This girl simply knows everything!  
__Oh, I can't wait for the hotel. It's my favorite part! It's simply gorgeous. And since I am together with the District 12 people, it means that we get the suite in the upper floors. __And there we live like all the other Districts – no differences were made. There you can see how much justice and equality matters to the Capitol!  
__I hope that as soon as we arrive there and as soon as the tributes take in some of the Capitol's flair and spirit, they'll warm up a bit and I finally get to know a bit more about my possible winners.  
__And I'm glad they finally get to know their designers and stylists for the games and everything involving it – interviews, the great opening!  
__It started to depress me that they were always dressed up in their old, damaged and monotone looking clothes. I need colors! So I hope the stylists have thought about something exciting, something sparkling and breathtaking! __I finally want to go out with them and be proud of them – which is hardly possible with them being dressed up as thieves about to rob a bank in their black, grayish looking clothes.  
__Maybe I can give their stylists a little inspiration with the last collection I purchased for this season. __It's so colorful and simply marvelous!  
__Maybe a nice green would do magic with my four tributes! It would definitely fit the blonde one's eyes and I bet that with some make-up we could make a real princess out of the girl I called first. __Oh, how beautiful they could look with only some little help! So, at least I wouldn't have to worry about their appearance if I remember the work of the designers of the past years. They always put so much effort into their work and you could mostly see no difference between the districts which showed again that we treat all the people equally kind here – no one is neglected, everyone gets what they deserve.  
__The only thing they have to do is show their strength and courage in the game.  
__And they all know what's waiting for them afterwards – a life full of admiration, wealth and happiness. Of course, gratefully sponsored by the Capitol. - E _

* * *

I didn't feel welcome in this place. There had been several people cheering at us at the station. I felt uncomfortable. I felt like a puppet being shown to the world. But once we've arrived in the penthouse, I finally was alone again. Even on the train I've never been alone. The walls there were thin; I could hear the hysterical laughing of the Capitol girl, the furious act of throwing furniture around by the other boy, even the quiet sobbing of Maysilee. I knew her from school. I never talked to her, though. She was one of the most admired girls and I was only a simple boy. What reason would she have for talking to me? But not even now, facing danger and death, we exchanged a single word. We shook hands. Only because it's ought to be like that. Probably we shouldn't have more contact anyway. It'll only be more difficult to fight against them. Or to even see them dying. It still didn't sink in that we're about to participate in the Hunger Games. Everybody's always talking about what an honor that would be. How proud they were of the kids fighting for life. And in the end only one tribute would survive. After a long, bloody time of fighting. I was not proud of being a tribute. And neither did I understand how the Capitol people could watch these Games with joy. Or how the escort girl could talk with so much enthusiasm and love for these bastards. They didn't have to fight; neither for daily survival nor for staying alive in the goddamn arena. "Hopefully they prepared something spectacular and exciting for the 50th Games", "With the doubled amount of tributes, it'll be even more fun", "I already loved the 25th Games, the gamemakers had some great ideas". These absurd sentences struck through my head. I heard them from Capitol people when we had passed them earlier that day. The gamemakers indeed had some great ideas. How about you try them out, too? How about we let some rich, self-centered, naive Capitol scum fight for their lives? But that would only be half the fun. If this event was fun at all. The only positive thing here was the food and the comfortable bed. They have good meals in masses here, anything you could imagine. The bed was soft. It was way better than the hard mattress we had at home. Though, I miss district 12 already. Indeed, I had nothing left there. But home is home. And nothing here could be defined as home. The Capitol is luxurious. It's astonishing. It's hypnotizing. Here they have way too much technical stuff. Even after the fifth try I couldn't figure out how to use the shower properly. I've simply pushed any button I thought was right. But none of them have turned out to be. In the end I ended up with some cold water and a sponge. Anyway. All these inhabitants will sooner or later be so dependent on this technical shit; they won't even be able to think on their own. But that's no problem here. The government will take over that part. I assume they've already done that. President Snow simply knows how to manipulate people to his advantage. No one could ever bring the system down. No one. The Games were established to remind the district inhabitants of who has the real power. And in no way is it owned by the people. The government, the Capitol, could never exist without the districts, though. The fishing, the wooding, the mining and other essential necessities would be missing. President Snow was aware of this. He tried to keep the people calm. Not by providing them enough food or help but by fear. Snow was sure that there are strong people, especially in the most desperate districts. He ordered his Peacekeepers to turn down another rebellion. He achieved that for 50 years now. But one day there will be hope again. –H


	5. The Capitol

The food offer in the apartment was nothing compared to the train buffet. There've been servants who'd fill your plate and glass; masses of food on the tables; drinks in every color you could imagine. It was gross. Not the food itself but the thought of rich people eating so much every day. Due to new sciences, it didn't even show. They all were as thin as paper. I didn't envy them. Where I come from, this only meant you were close to death. But here they had plastic surgeries and other stuff to control their figure. I wouldn't care about that at all. If I had money, I'd spend it on other things than make-up, clothes or surgeries. You can always change the outside. But only to hide the ugly inside there is. A shame, really. They spend their money on trying to be more perfect. Instead they should use their heads to think about what is considered perfect. Not only the look, no. Also the character forms a beautiful, perfect human. Apparently, these people here seemed to be too dumb to realize that. Or didn't want to? I shouldn't care. But there's this Capitol girl that reminds me of those people every day. I guess, I could forget about all of this once I'm in my room alone. Lying on the bed, thinking about home. Freedom. Ironically I thought about freedom. At home? No. But still more privacy and safety than here. Here were a lot of guards to protect us and even more technology to spy on us. That's what made it hard for me to feel comfortable. I felt watched more than ever. And I couldn't shake that off. Anyway, I learned at today's dinner that the girl's called Effie. Effie Trinket. I wouldn't forget about that name too fast anymore. Her shrill voice was ringing in my ears. And the scary picture of her in this neon-green dress was popping up in front of my eyes all day. It was a miserable sight. Though, I didn't think she was ugly. Without that make-up…well, probably she'd turn out to be a pretty girl. But that was impossible. I'd never get to see her in her natural state. She was way too thoughtful about her look. I didn't like her behavior or talking, her exaggerated style. But there was something about her. Something vulnerable. Maybe that's why she was hiding. I assume everyone has a weak spot. She was simply hiding it. While I showed it to everyone: my absent ability for socializing. Whatever hers was, she was good at not letting it show. Probably that wasn't a good way either. She talked a lot. But never about herself. Only about the Capitol and how great it was. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Every second. It became annoying. But perhaps it was part of her "concealing". Why did I even care about that? I could easily block out people who became annoying. Somehow I couldn't manage that at hers. My interest in the Capitol couldn't be a reason. There was none at all. It was her voice, definitely. This put on, high-pitched voice. And that weird accent. It fit to her outside. In complete, Effie Trinket was a typical inhabitant. Well-dressed, thin, praising the Capitol, charismatic, over the top. Perfect. – H

* * *

_We finally arrived back home. I think no one had felt a greater relief than I did when I saw the familiar shapes of the Capitol from the train's windows.  
I even shrieked and squealed a little but was not met by a mutual happiness once again.  
I thought this would change as soon as we arrived in the apartment but the only thing that happened was that the girls cried more and the boys grew quieter. I have no idea what to do with them. The interviews approach faster and faster and I slowly start losing my last bit of hope. Waiting for a miracle now…  
I'm certainly glad to be back home and to finally have some people to talk to again. I must have missed so much!  
The girl at the reception had all the gossip provided as I had hoped. It seemed that yellow was a thing now. Can you imagine? Yellow?  
I definitely have to stock up my wardrobe again since yellow is a rarity in there but I already planned that out. As soon as my tributes would leave for the games, I'd have some free time again which would be more than perfect to fulfill this aim.  
A lot of relationships must have broken off in the time I've been away as well._  
_My two friends who had been going out for almost three months now, the stylist and the make-up artist of District 1 (oh oh, that would get nasty)… I could go on for hours.  
It seemed like this is a repetitive pattern. Every year when the Games approach people seem to get more tensed – probably due to the growing excitement – and a lot of relationships are ended.  
Last year there was this couple who had screamed at each other in the big hall where all the sponsors meet to watch and discuss the Games. It had been awful to watch but awfully entertaining as well. I can't even recall what they fought about. I only remember that it ended with the girl throwing a little flower pot at the boy after he had accused her of becoming more and more like her mother – which was obviously nothing nice to say.  
Somehow it seemed as if all relationships would reach this point after a while – some less, some more violent than this particular case.  
I couldn't judge because I've never been in a relationship before and I wouldn't count in that one Peacekeeper who had fancied me for almost half a year. I played along – probably because all the attention had felt nice and because he had definitely been an extraordinary Peacekeeper – handsome, kind, talkative. Such a contrast to the Peacekeepers nowadays!  
This Haymitch-guy and I have had these weird eye-encounters the last days. I have caught us two looking at each other just a second too long than a usual glance would have taken. I still don't know what to make out of it.  
He has really nice eyes, though. In the right light they would glisten in an almost painfully beautiful blue. Sometimes I would catch myself thinking that it would be nice if they fitted his behavior towards me. But probably only because I wish I had someone to talk to when I'm back in the apartment. The evenings and nights can get pretty lonely and sad when you're surrounded by nothing but quietness… - E_


	6. The Training

Minutes passed fast here. Too fast. Soon, minutes were days. Days began and days ended. It was sort of a routine: Get up, shower, breakfast, training center, training, lunch, training, apartment, shower, dinner, bed. It was simple. So simple, it soon became a mechanic chain of actions. My body just moved without me really noticing. I wasn't in control. This made me feel anxious. Usually I did know what I was doing. I barely did anything without the goal right in front of my eyes. But these Games made me lose it all. And we haven't even been in the arena. The first time in my life I was honestly scared. I don't like living while I don't have a clear plan. Sure, life would never follow your plans. But you can change things, turn them to your advantage. This time, others were about to take control. They were about to turn your life to their advantage. It indeed is unfair. But since when is life fair? Anyway. Today we had to prove our skills in front of some sponsors. I couldn't have cared less. They want to see me suffer. They want to watch me fighting. But they don't mind if I get killed during that. I figured, these men just wanted to see that all tributes ensure a proper and exciting show. It doesn't matter how many points you receive after that test. At least not at mine. They all would pay for the top districts. And since I don't belong to these, it's hopeless. I don't mind. They shall kill me. Fast. I don't want to appear like the weak boy from 12. But I also don't want to end up a wreck. Many survivors of the Games struggle with serious psychological problems. Though, I'm not quite sure if the trained killers from 1 or 2 do so. I'm afraid they are proud of their actions. They enjoy killing others. How couldn't they? They are forced to think like that, to enjoy it. Maybe I should feel compassion instead of disgust. But I need to stay focused. They're my enemies now.  
I'm practiced in using the knife. My grandfather showed me how to use it to skin animals. Or cut off their meat. Perhaps it is nothing else at humans. I never liked being at his house. There was the smell of death and dried blood. His hands and clothes were often dirty. Though, he taught me a lot. About how to survive in 12, how to trade. He was my closest person. Unfortunately, he passed away some time ago. There was no big funeral. I wasn't sad for too long. How can you feel anything if you're close to starving anyway? I used my knife skills during training. I didn't do much every day. Once I learned how to set up traps. The other day I tried to make fire. Most of the time I just watched the other tributes. How they acted around each other, what relationships they share, what their skills were. As I still had my plan not to fight much, I rather spent my time on that. But sure, I couldn't do that today. I had to show my sponsors how great I was. Why they should save me. Actually, I just did the basic stuff. I didn't feel the need to impress anyone. I threw my knife into some figures three or four times. There wasn't more I could do. Probably most of the tributes gave them a real show, filled with their best skills. But as I didn't have any (or they only contributed my survival), they weren't too impressed. And why bother with that? I just have to die. – H

* * *

_I had been feeling really anxious and nervous all day. They were going to announce the results each tribute made in the rehearsals.  
That was my last chance, my last hope. I had been sitting on the couch in our apartment, waiting for them to return. When they in fact did, none of them showed any sign or any reaction I could have made something out of. They all disappeared in their rooms and didn't show up until dinner. I slowly became a nervous wreck.  
What if they all screwed it up? What would it mean to my reputation? What would the other Capitol people think of me?  
It was my first year, so I especially had to prove that I was capable of being a good escort and these unenthusiastic tributes were standing in my way to reach this aim.  
So after we finished eating, I got them all together in the living-room to watch the announcement. I hadn't allowed any protests and they soon had given up and seated themselves around me on the couch.  
I had hoped that at least the two boys made a decent performance. How hard could it be to simply throw a knife into a target or create a trap?  
I mean, I'm glad that I don't have to do it but I guess, where they are coming from it should be a daily routine to perform these acts. When you're surrounded by nothing but wilderness...  
Haymitch had sat down next to me and due to the lack of space when five people were sitting on one couch, he had slid really close. At first, I wanted to protest but I got really fond of the warmth that fast developed between us. So, I decided it wouldn't matter anyway and just let it be.  
After watching the results I wasn't quite taken aback but I couldn't complain either.  
The girls had both scored a decent 7. One of them told me she shot arrows and the other one set up traps. There was definitely still room for improvement but it was a start…  
The boys had both scored an 8. Now that was a surprise! Their lack of socializing seemed to show at least in their physical attributes.  
Haymitch had disappeared in his room when I wanted to know what he had done as his performance and it suddenly turned really cold around me. I blamed it on the sudden missing body contact.  
Anyway, the other boy threw weights and obviously hadn't been too bad at it.  
All in all, I can say that I had expected worse and that the results they now had scored had definitely been some I could deal with. And I wouldn't have to hide in embarrassment. Their results were still nothing compared to the tributes from District 1 and 2 but now I at least didn't have to worry they would all die the second they entered the games. They now seemed to have a decent chance to survive some days and even defend themselves against the others.  
Next thing coming up is something I've been looking forward to the entire time. The interviews!  
All tributes would be dressed up in the most beautiful dresses and suits, wearing the latest make-up and hairstyles! I am so excited what the designers have thought of this year!  
Caesar, the Capitol's beloved host, would trigger the most interesting and the most touching answers out of the tributes again.  
But before I could even dream about this day, I definitely had to talk to my four problem cases again. I couldn't just let them out in the state they were right now. The audience needed some heartfelt, witty and thoughtful responses and the lack of their talking skills right now wouldn't be too helpful in that case.  
I have to tell them that this was just for their own good and that the more people liked them, the more days they would survive in the Games. They would need any sponsor they could get. If it was to get some food or bandages or even just a cup of water.  
You never know what the Games are going to be like and you can never prepare properly because they are so changeable. That's what makes them so exciting!  
Going to get my well-deserved beauty sleep now.  
At least one of us has to be decent looking. – E_


End file.
